Wednesday, March 15, 2006
An unlikely promotion
Article from ECFC v Stevenage 14/03/06
It’s time for another TEAM 54 (everyone’s favourite 5-aside team) update. Our season has now finished and our hard work and new shirts have been rewarded as we won promotion from league 5 (of 6) to league 4 in stunning fashion. (It’s not that we scored a lot of goals or played sexy football – the simple fact that we’ve been promoted is what makes it stunning.) Unfortunately I missed the last week of fixtures as I was away, however, roving reporter and brutal defender Richard “Chopper” Webley kept me up-to-date with our progress. We did enough to secure promotion, continuing to confound the bookies (and ourselves) who gave us no chance of winning anything this year.
In the penultimate week of the season, team discipline broke down as two team members were seen drinking and dancing like lunatics in Warehouse on Thursday night. These team members suffered no club fines, but were warned about future conduct. Richard and myself suffered enough pain trying to play the two matches on the Friday evening – there was no need for any other measures.
I’ve never tried to play football with a hangover before and I’m not planning on doing it again. I felt terrible and didn’t have a clue what was going on around me (I mean, I was even more confused than normal). Somehow I always managed to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and barely touched the ball. With Richard usually being a sturdy barrier in defence we were a bit of a mess. Effectively, we were playing with 3 men against 5 – not a good way to go about trying to get promoted. We were beaten 3-0 in the first game, although to be fair, 2 of those goals were shots that rebounded off the post, hit our goalkeeper Damien on the back of the head and went in.
In the second game, we somehow managed to win 1-0, the goal coming from Matt, our leading goal-scorer. He hit a cracking shot from a tight angle that found the corner of the net. From then on it was basically one-way traffic. Damien was pulling off some high-quality saves to keep us ahead. I was hauled off for being more rubbish than usual (I’m not sure I touched the ball in that game and there wasn’t much tracking back going on either) and we somehow held out to take all 3 points.
The last match day of the season saw us pick up one win and a defeat to seal our place in division 4. In light of the fact we are now a successful club, we shall be using a new kit next season which will be available nowhere at an extortionately high price (our beer funds are running low). We’re also looking for a sponsor who can help take us to the next stage.
As we’ll be competing at a higher level next season, each player has been assigned a strict personal training schedule for the off-season. Damien insists he will be enforcing fines for any breaches of club policy and for anyone who misses their target.
I’m not sure I can cope with the extra pressure of division 4 5-aside football. The media is going to start taking more of an interest and the tabloids will be all over our private lives. Perhaps I should take a step back and let someone else stand around up front looking bored? I need to think about that.
It’s time for another TEAM 54 (everyone’s favourite 5-aside team) update. Our season has now finished and our hard work and new shirts have been rewarded as we won promotion from league 5 (of 6) to league 4 in stunning fashion. (It’s not that we scored a lot of goals or played sexy football – the simple fact that we’ve been promoted is what makes it stunning.) Unfortunately I missed the last week of fixtures as I was away, however, roving reporter and brutal defender Richard “Chopper” Webley kept me up-to-date with our progress. We did enough to secure promotion, continuing to confound the bookies (and ourselves) who gave us no chance of winning anything this year.
In the penultimate week of the season, team discipline broke down as two team members were seen drinking and dancing like lunatics in Warehouse on Thursday night. These team members suffered no club fines, but were warned about future conduct. Richard and myself suffered enough pain trying to play the two matches on the Friday evening – there was no need for any other measures.
I’ve never tried to play football with a hangover before and I’m not planning on doing it again. I felt terrible and didn’t have a clue what was going on around me (I mean, I was even more confused than normal). Somehow I always managed to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and barely touched the ball. With Richard usually being a sturdy barrier in defence we were a bit of a mess. Effectively, we were playing with 3 men against 5 – not a good way to go about trying to get promoted. We were beaten 3-0 in the first game, although to be fair, 2 of those goals were shots that rebounded off the post, hit our goalkeeper Damien on the back of the head and went in.
In the second game, we somehow managed to win 1-0, the goal coming from Matt, our leading goal-scorer. He hit a cracking shot from a tight angle that found the corner of the net. From then on it was basically one-way traffic. Damien was pulling off some high-quality saves to keep us ahead. I was hauled off for being more rubbish than usual (I’m not sure I touched the ball in that game and there wasn’t much tracking back going on either) and we somehow held out to take all 3 points.
The last match day of the season saw us pick up one win and a defeat to seal our place in division 4. In light of the fact we are now a successful club, we shall be using a new kit next season which will be available nowhere at an extortionately high price (our beer funds are running low). We’re also looking for a sponsor who can help take us to the next stage.
As we’ll be competing at a higher level next season, each player has been assigned a strict personal training schedule for the off-season. Damien insists he will be enforcing fines for any breaches of club policy and for anyone who misses their target.
I’m not sure I can cope with the extra pressure of division 4 5-aside football. The media is going to start taking more of an interest and the tabloids will be all over our private lives. Perhaps I should take a step back and let someone else stand around up front looking bored? I need to think about that.
